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Over the last few weeks, it has been getting busier in the office given it is “back to school” time. The onset of Labour Day weekend, with the first day of school just days away, typically triggers some persistent, anxious responses in parents, children, and youth.
Whether the day after Labour Day brings the first day of Kindergarten, high school, or post secondary school, it is guaranteed that everyone involved will be facing some level of uncertainty. Typically, most students returning to school do not know who their teacher(s) will be, which cohort they will be in, and importantly, if they will have any friends in their class(es). For students starting at a new school, top of mind questions include, Will I recognize anyone? Will I remember anyone’s name? Will I be able to figure out my way around?
Of course, we know that dealing with uncertainty is an unavoidable part of our “day-to-day.” Because we don’t know what is ahead of us, it is impossible to confidently predict the future. Research shows that people vary in their ability to tolerate the unknown. Some people have a high tolerance for uncertainty, while others seriously struggle to handle the “not knowing”
(Anxiety Canada, 2015).
Anxious people, especially adults who excessively worry, are more likely to have a strong aversion to uncertainty (Anxiety Canada, 2015). More recent research has established that there is a strong correlation between anxiety and worry and intolerance to uncertainty (IU) in children and youth (Osmanağaoğlu, Creswell, & Dodd, 2018).
IU has been defined as a, “dispositional characteristic that results from a set of negative beliefs about uncertainty and its implications, and involves the tendency to react negatively on an emotional, cognitive, and behavioural level to uncertain situations and events” (Boswell, Thompson-Hollands, Farchione, & Barlow, 2013). People who suffer from high levels of IU typically go to the worst-case scenario in their minds. Boswell et al., (2013) ascertained that there is emerging evidence indicating that IU may be a shared element of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and other emotional disorders.
For certain, individuals who are strongly averse to uncertainty can immerse themselves in time consuming and unproductive negative thinking and behaviours (Anxiety Canada, 2015). Typically, people who are particularly sensitive to uncertainty engage in some, or all, of the following behaviours:
· Seeking excessive reassurance from others: persistent checking in with friends and family about decisions and choices that need to be made;
· List-making: some people make long and detailed “to do” lists, sometimes several lists every day, in an attempt to establish some control over the future;
· Double-checking: for example, calling loved ones repeatedly to “make sure” that they are okay, or re-reading emails several times to ensure all of their “i’s” are dotted and their “t’s” are crossed;
· Refusing to delegate: many people who are intolerant to uncertainty will not engage others to handle certain tasks so that they can do them their way and correctly;
· Procrastination/avoidance: because being uncertain can cause anxiety, some people simply procrastinate or avoid people, places, or situations, while avoidance ultimately strengthens the cycle of anxiety;
· Distraction: many people keep themselves very busy so they don’t have the time to consider the things that are out of their control (Anxiety Canada, 2015).
While these behaviours can give some temporary relief to people who are averse to uncertainty, it is obvious that they don’t offer long-term solutions to their incessant worrying and negative thinking. Unfortunately, when parents engage in activities and behaviours that send messages to their children that the unexpected is something to fear or be unhappy about, they are modelling ineffective ways to manage the unknown.
For those who have high levels of IU, it is not that easy for them to transform thoughts, attitudes, and behaviours that have been strongly reinforced over time. However, in cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), it is clearly established that thoughts, feelings, physical symptoms, and behaviours, within certain environmental contexts (like school), are all interconnected. Changing our thoughts, perceptions, and attitudes, as well as adjusting how we choose to behave, can support a positive change in how we respond to the unknown (Anxiety Canada, 2015). With positive change, individuals can learn to become more tolerant, confident, and resilient.
If we know we can’t eliminate uncertainty from our experience, then it is important for anxious adults and children to learn to increase their tolerance of what may or may not happen in the future:
• It can be helpful for individuals to take focused inventory of the things they can control in their lives and the things they can’t control. For example, one can’t control their thoughts and feelings about the upcoming school year, but they can control whether they attach themselves to them, identify with them, and act on them in unproductive ways. It is important for people to accept that thoughts and feelings come and go, and that they are never permanent. Learning to pause and think, before hastily reacting to a thought or feeling, can support responses rooted in calmness, clarity, open-mindedness, and positivity.
• A parent can’t control which teacher their child gets this week or if they are placed in a class without a close friend, but they can control how they show up for their child when things get hard. It is critically important for parents to be positive and calm; to acknowledge that struggles help their children develop resilience and can lead to pride and purpose. Parents need not shelter their children from pain and discomfort. When our children are feeling most uncomfortable is when they are learning the most. When children are hurting, parents need to hold space for them instead of trying to save them or fix things; let your child know you are there, that you care, and that there is not a problem the two of you can’t solve together.
• The goal is to recognize that by leaving room for uncertainty, even though unexpected and unpleasant events can happen, there can be a huge win; the realization that one can actually cope and deal with challenges and adversity. By striving to learn to be more tolerant of uncertainty, problematic anxiety symptoms associated with being intolerant, such as negative overthinking, catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, and incessant worry, will become less powerful and prevalent. One can feel more in control of their experience and realize that they can deal with those things that are out of their control, even when there are disappointments and when things don’t work out the way they would have liked.
• By taking a CBT approach, within the counselling environment, the therapist and client can work together as a team to identify the concerns the client is facing (such as IU), to come up with strategies for addressing them, and to create positive solutions (Martin, 2016). By learning skills such as thought-stopping, opposite action, cognitive restructuring, etc., in a supportive environment, a client can become more tolerant of uncertainty, experience a strengthening of their psychological flexibility, and learn to better cope when challenged and triggered.
References
Anxiety Canada (2015). How to tolerate uncertainty. Retrieved from
Boswell, J. F., Thompson-Hollands, J., Farchione, T. J., & Barlow, D. H. (2013). Intolerance of
uncertainty: a common factor in the treatment of emotional disorders. Journal of clinical
psychology, 69(6), 630–645. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21965
Martin, B. (2016). In-depth: Cognitive behavioral therapy. Retrieved from
Osmanağaoğlu, N., Creswell, C., & Dodd, H. F. (2018). Intolerance of Uncertainty, anxiety, and
worry in children and adolescents: A meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 225, 80-90.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2017.07.035.
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